I need one which doesnt require me to have a server as my website is hosted by a third party. I need this room to be secure with respect to it being members only based on my web sites membership list to avoid anyone jumping into the room. Most of the java based ones allow non password protected log ins and no moderation. Moderation and admin rights with member lists would be the minimum that i require.

You can have a private members only room on ICQ and put a Java link on a webpage. As founder you have full control - use a mirc program to run it and you can kick and ban and control the room and appoint channel operators. Get the Javascript from ICQ for your web page and have it open in a new window. But it's better if everyone uses a IRC client like Mirc.

no such thing as 100% free and safe ,best to educate them well (kids) and just be aware of who they are chatting to