PROCLAMATION

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and

thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation

of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty

Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states,

commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not

fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America

without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be

disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether

any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British

Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate

effect: You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be

amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter

'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.'

Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the

suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be

expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up

vocabulary).

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises